Bazinga!!

I'm totally back!!

I just watched Greg make his lunch! And it was even more awesome than it sounds. He asked me to blog about bologna sandwiches, which i was immediately averse to, but when i wandered into the kitchen, i changed my mind.

Bologna has to be one of the more disgusting meats out there. It's like hot dogs, only flattened. For the record, i really like hot dogs. AND i don't mind bologna, given the proper circumstances.

The proper circumstances are as follows:
1. There must be some form of cheese in the sandwich.
2. There must be mayo in the sandwich.
3. I must be outrageously hungry, with little to no time in which to think of/make an alternative meal.

Greg's sandwiches flew in the face of all of my bologna sandwich criteria! He made TWO bologna sandwiches (one slice of bologna each), with nothing more than butter as a buffer between his mouth and questionable flavor! In addition to making one of the most boring sandwiches i've ever seen (second only to me grabbing a plain piece of white bread to eat on my way to class one morning. A mistake i shan't repeat, btw), it was PREMEDITATED! He was packing a lunch! For his trip to the library. There is a whole slew of issues with this plan, but i'm trying to stick to the packed lunch. There was no rush here! After he proudly placed his sandwiches into an overlarge tupperware (does another noun belong there? i never know what to call tupperware. It wasn't like a tupperware bowl. It was like... a tupperware... thingy), he sprinkled some of his staple food, tostitos, over the top. No one love tostitos like Greg. He eats them with/on everything. It's pretty great. So if anyone ever needs nachos...
You had better go find your own chips, because those are Greg's.

I don't remember what random YouTube search brought this on, but i found an alternative to an old meme using a different meme that made me chuckle. It's here.

As long as we are being immature, here's the poop thesaurus. Don't ask how this came up. It made Andy and i laugh for awhile though. But we are occasionally the maturity equivalent of 7 year olds.

I'm finally done with stressful activities until Halloween now, and i am feeling very relaxed. I am caught up on my work for once, so all i need do now is sit through classes until my friends arrive! It's gonna be a wonderful weekend. We found some new female takers for the beerstick!! I really am not going to stop repping it. It is so cool. In fact, if you wanna be cool like me (LOL) then you could get one yourself! One of my friends from high school sells them. Or you could just come hang out with me. Either way. Either way is fine.

CONTAINER!! That's a word that might have worked in the sandwich paragraph. Ugh.

The show Castle made me happy this week, though as Andy already linked the the Malcolm Reynolds comeback moment, i guess i'll leave off. It was pretty great though. Castle decided to be a 'space cowboy' for halloween. Good stuff.

Halloween updates are imminent! You can have 'em next post.

This Is Me, Being Contrite

I said some things I'm not proud of yesterday, shaming myself, causing unnecessary friction, and just generally being a punk.

I used my blog to vent some late night drunken frustrations, dredging up old stale arguments and twisting them to make me feel better about my (then) situation. I have since deleted them, hopefully before too many of you got to it.

I have to study a bit for an upcoming exam, but this may be my last post for awhile. The immediate flurry of well deserved hate mail regarding my 'crossed the line' post has me thinking that perhaps i need to take some time to consider whether i should have a blog at all.

Sorry to have let y'all down.

Drunk Blog Time!!

Evening friends!!!

I am slumped in my computer chair on this lovely Saturday evening (Sunday morning) trying to sober up before bed and i thought to myself "hey self! know what you haven't done in a while?? BLOGGED!" so here we are. (the we in this case being myself, and then drunk me, who will henceforth be referred to as Francisco. The two of us will be battling for coherence throughout the post. Its gonna be epic. Dear, i hope i win.)

For the record, i HAD a plan for today's post earlier, but Francisco went through my mente and threw all of my brilliant ideas in the basura.

BAZINGA!!! I'm full of good ideas.

Andy and i (and Francisco) are looking for love in this college town, and thus far, we've found lots of drunken hussies. And lots of really cool, really cute girls with boyfriends. And a few crazy girls. But very few girls we could/should be dating! *gasp* Shocking, i know. We are working on it.

The sad reality is that i have at MOST one more year to work the college venue, relationship wise, and after that, the dating pool is going to be absolute garbage, comparatively speaking. Buckle up kids, it's time to get more aggressive. No holds barred Nick (or Francisco, situation pending), comin' at ya! I'm swearing off of cowardice. Opportunities will be taken, boldness will be my daily breakfast, and... well, this pep talk has gone kind of... swervy. So I'ma move on.

I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN!!

Last year, i was a pimp











The year before that, i was Harry Potter (my favorite Halloween by far so far)

I have no costume for this year thus far, so i may just go as a college student.

...

Bazinga.

But seriously, I'm not telling you what my costume is. I'll post pictures if it turns out that i'm proud of it ;)

That's all for tonight as we are approaching 5 en la mañana, so with no further adieu, ...

"Stamp a Nick on her forehead and call it done!"

I was listening to some Owl City on the way to work today, and i got to thinking. As happens from time to time.

I was listening to Fireflies (the one that's super popular right now. you know the one i'm talking about. If you don't, here it is) which i honestly really like. I'm totally on the Owl City bandwagon. Fireflies is a great song, but my favorite song by them is On The Wing. But ANYWAY I was listening to Fireflies, and i decided one of the lines kinda made me uncomfortable.

Throughout the song he is talking about how beautiful and awesome the thousands of fireflies are, and then about 2/3 of the way through, he's like, well, the fireflies left, and it made me sad. The next line is, "But I'll know where several are/if my dreams get real bizarre/'cuz i saved a few and i keep them in a jar"




First of all, the concept of 10,000,000 of any insect is pretty frightening. To me. I DO NOT LIKE swarmy things.







So there are these 10 MILLION fireflies right? Scary. Bear with me (lol). OK, let's pretend it's nighttime. Beautiful, lots of lights, that's great. daytime? those aren't lights, that is a LOT of freaking BUGS!! RUN AWAY!

Now that we are past what i would consider to be a plague of insects, i'd like to draw your attention to the next line.

He GRABS a couple of them and holds them captive in a tiny prison-like jar!

...

I haven't decided whose side i'm on yet.

My friend Nick from high school posted this on his facebook, and it made me giggle, so i thought i'd share it with you!

Andy's weekend is pretty well spoken for, so i have to find other people with which i can hang. I plan on going to see a movie at some point, but other than that, my weekend is pretty wide open! Give me a ring. Or a comment if you don't have my numba ;)

My annoyingly helpful roommate says we can't watch the new How I Met Your Mother until i finish my homework, so i have to go now.

TTYL

Mood Pollution

Today, i woke up feeling rather crabby. There are a plethora of reasons for this, but it will suffice to say that i didn't get enough sleep. I rose with a short fuse, and felt my temper flare almost immediately. Firstly, i woke to the girls chattering in the living room. Which is fine. But what i was thinking was, "Why aren't they busy making my french toast?"

I woke up and asked them how they slept (with only a bit of mockery, considering the events of the past evening), followed pretty abruptly by WHERE IS MY FUCKING FRENCH TOAST?!

Then there was some hedging/excuses involving Andy still being asleep, and asking if we had the appropriate ingredients. We had no cinnamon in the house of course, so i dutifully went and bought some while Andy entered the world of the wakeful.

When i returned, Andy was awake, but as i entered the apartment with the final necessary ingredient for french toast, Lauren and Emily had convinced everyone to watch "I threw It on the Ground!" which is an SNL skit (its really funny actually). I begged her to start the french toast instead, but she insisted that the video had to be viewed immediately.

It is at this point that i grow frustrated. I've been up for a good 45 minutes now, with no near future prospects of the delicious breakfast i was promised. Because we all know what is started when one embarks on a viral video journey. It's never just one video. Once you pop, you just can't stop. They SAID it would be just one video, but this is a common theme of my life. I tell someone how something is going to happen, they refuse to listen, do the stupid thing anyway, and then it happens.

EXAMPLE:
Sophomore year, back when i had football tickets, Jake and I would always go to the game together, with a hodge-podge of different tag-a-longs (incidentally my favorite girl scout cookie). Nearly every game, we would stay until the very end, and then participate in "5th quarter." Now these games are already at least 3 hours long. By the end of them, I am always tired of standing, and absolutely ravenous, however Jake always wants to stay for the little song and dance portion which is another 30 minutes of energetic jumping, shouting, and thrusting hips about that i frankly never feel up for post game. We were there with people who had done 5th quarter before (and for those of you that have never done it, or perhaps done it just once, it is always the same. They play the same 5-6 songs every time, without fail. Not exciting. In my opinion at least. Which is currently the one that matters.)

I turn to Jake and say, "Jake, can we PLEASE go get some food? I am gonna die if we stay for 5th quarter today, and everyone here has experienced it before, and you KNOW i love the badgers, but i've just been expressing it for three solid hours! I'm hoarse, exhausted, and starving. Food? Please? I'll let you decide where!"

At this point, he looks at me contemplatively, as if to size up whether my current figure could withstand another hour of malnourishment. He says to me, "Nick, i just want to sing Varsity, and after that, we can go." Sounds like a bargain, right?

WRONG!!

I KNOW that if we stay for Varsity, the transitions are far too smooth with the band, and far too alluring to this school spirit filled all-American badger cheering machine. If we are here for Varsity, i will not be able to pull him away. I voice my concerns.

"Jake. Please. I know you. Don't make me do this. Please."
"Nick, i promise, it will just be varsity"

It wasn't just varsity. We did varsity, the band started "Tequila" and i saw Jake's eyes light up, and i resigned myself to starving to death. Back to my original story.

We watched I Threw It on the Ground, which led to repeated quotations of other Andy Samburg shorts, which led to statements like, "Wait!! You haven't seen _____ ?! O, we have to watch that right now!!" Rinse and repeat. I just want my french toast.

So i'm trying to stifle my urge to scream as the third Samburg classic comes on when Aaron pokes his head into the room and asks me if i could help him do some dishes. Not only am i not enjoying a delicious, sugary, fulfilling breakfast, but i am also now engaging in courtesy driven labor. I am feeling pretty furious.

Generally this sequence of events would have been a minor disappointment at worst, but this is cranky Nick. I take no prisoners. It's all i can do to be cordial. I finally get my french toast, and it was pretty great. an hour and a half later than i would have liked it, but delicious nonetheless (thank you Lauren). We finish eating breakfast, and realize that we have about 45 minutes before our movie showing of Where the Wild Things Are. Andy jumps in the shower, and comes out with about 32 minutes til show time. Now i know that it will take us about 15 minutes to drive to the theater, and i've also made note that the car taking us there isn't directly outside of the apartment. So when Lauren declares she would really like a shower, i once more voice my concerns.

If we left when Andy came out of the shower, we may have made it to the theater in time for previews. I explained my quick number crunch to Lauren while Andy was finishing his shower, but as is nearly always the case, i am assured that what i am sure will happen won't happen. Lauren says she can take a shower in 5 minutes. I am skeptical. But once again, it isn't like i can forbid my friends from doing what they are gonna do, so i let her take her stupid shower (WE ARE GOING TO A MOVIE THEATER. WE AREN'T GOING TO LOOK AT YOU, WE ARE GOING TO LOOK AT THE WILD THINGS. ITS DARK IN THERE. ZOMGZ.) Her shower takes 10 minutes, and the consequent hair and make-up session seals our fate as not only missing the previews, but potentially the first few minutes of the movie. This is a huge pet peeve for me. I walk with them all the way to car, at which point i look at my phone. It is 2:50. The movie starts at 2:50. I realize that if i go with them, i am just going to be a bundle of negative energy. I would certainly have brought the whole group down.

I turned around, walked home, and took a nap. I felt much much better after that. And Andy told me the movie was "pretty good," which if you know Andy, is like a 4 out of 10 for anyone else. He likes everything nowadays. Pretty good is a condemnation as far as i'm concerned.

Later, we watched All the Real Girls, one of Andy's favorite movies, but right at the freaking climax i get a text from one of my friends in my Shakespeare class reminding me to go to a review session for the exam i kinda forgot i had. So i didn't get to see the end of that, which was kind of disappointing.

These are two things that made today more tolerable
















shane singing 5 octaves
LOL!!! Check that finale!!! excellent.
Have a good day everyone.

These Bitches Wanted to Play a Game

"Identity theft is not a joke Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!!"

Once upon a time our honored guests, Emily and Lauren, that we agreed to house for the weekend thought it might be a fun idea to commandeer our super bed. This wasn't a fun idea. They thought to catch us unawares by sneaking into our bedroom and falling asleep whilst a movie was on.

In addition to attempting to wrest control of the comfortable sleeping quarters Andy and i call... well, sleeping quarters, (AKAs: the superbed, the continuum), Lauren thought it might be funny to put up a fraudulent post in my esteemed name. (see last post)

OK, so it might have been a LITTLE funny. HOWEVER Andy and i agreed we weren't budging from our 'they can't have our bed' standpoint before they arrived. Mostly out of spite, because they said they would be trying to steal it from us for the entirety of their stay. Also i would like to point out, it may have been in our hearts to allow them the bed had they asked nicely upon arriving. And bought us a drink or two. However not only did they steal what was ours to give or not give, they ALSO promised us breakfast each morning!! I don't think it was too much to ask.

They broke the agreement

We couldn't let the rampant theft and lies go unanswered, so we reclaimed what was ours. We obnoxious'd Lauren out using loud music and chauvinistic humor, and Emily (who wakes up for nothing and no one) we had to carry out. Anyway, i am looking forward to our conciliatory french toast tomorrow. It's gonna be delicious.

I think we are going to see Where the Wild Things Are tomorrow as well, which is kind of exciting.

O ALSO Andy and i stayed up late watching "One Missed Call", which we have owned for possibly an entire year without watching. And it was spectacularly awful, as anticipated. I freakin' love bad horror films.

Alright, talk to ya soon blogosphere!

Dear Diary,
I fucking love you. Yes you, diary. You might be the sexiest thing alive. Or sub-alive....

Thank you blog for being there when nobody else would be, including Andrew who sleeps in the bed with me! The superbed!!! So what could I ask of you diary? To be my best friend? To supply my cuddling needs? Hardly.

You make me feel alive again!!!!

-Love,

Nick

Good evening friends! I will be attempting to make chili for the roommates and myself as i type this, so if i lose my train of thought at a few points of this... well, it probably won't be much different than any other posts!! Curse my inability to focus on anything.

Today, i think I'd like to discuss Lil' Wayne. Rap has been a guilty pleasure for me for the past 6ish years, and in the recent past, i've been feeling less guilty about it. It's good for dancin', makes me feel badass when i'm in the mood to, and... well i dunno, I'm of the opinion that the more you listen to something, the more you like it. That being said, I'm not into country currently. BUT i did have a country phase when i was younger. Everyone stop being so close minded! The current song stuck in my head is replay by Iyaz. It's like my iPod's stuck on replay. Eff.

Anyway, Lil' Wayne!! I don't see what's so special about him. He (like every other R&B artist nowadays) uses a voice synthesizer, and i don't think his rhymes are that impressive most of the time. Don't get me wrong, i still like a lot of his stuff. But greatest rapper of all time? I think not. The only thing truly impressive about him is that he freestyles most everything he does. And I'm not even sure if that's true! My cousin Sam said so, but what does he know? I think there are lots better rappers out there. Also, his voice kind of annoys me.

I finished the chili!! And it was good. Well, i liked it anyway. My roommates SAID they liked it, so I'm beginning to think I'm pretty good at this cooking thing. Even though chili is the easiest thing ever to make.

The weekend is rapidly approaching once more, and i am getting very excited!! Andy's friend Lauren is coming, and we are all gonna hang out and do crazy things!! (if you want to participate, and you're in the area, give me a ring!!) There is one problem though...

Last year i think i reached a potentially unrepeatable level of fun, and the thought of surpassing it is staggering.

Last year, Andy, Aaron, and myself were all pretty drunk, and we went to the bathroom coincidentally at the same time. When we got there, the radio was playing. The song? Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas. The three of us exchanged looks, and immediately took up our fighting stances in a triangular type formation. We proceeded to do slow motion kung fu (including short 1v1 interludes when one of us was temporarily kicked out of battle or some such (into a stall)) until the song ended. I feel pretty certain that i have never had such a good time. Epic? Definitely.

Sad? Maybe.

So this weekend, I'm hoping i can convince a few more people to join me in beer stick land (it's happy here) and maybe, if I'm lucky, we may join in mortal combat. Or just slow motion full contact kung fu. Either way. Either way is fine.

Nap Time May Be Ruining My Life

I think that nap time is making my life very difficult.

I put no restrictions on Friday or Saturday, so they usually end up being really late nights (3 to 5 in the morning) followed by waking up in the late afternoon (again, as late as 3-5). Then when Sunday rolls around, i probably just woke up at 4:30, how am i to go to sleep at midnight? I don't feel at all tired, so i dick around for a couple more hours, and i end up in what i now lovingly refer to as the inescapable nap cycle.

It's like this. I stay up late, get up early for class/work, come back around midday, take a HUGE nap, then go back to class/work, come back not that tired again, rinse, repeat.

Now i guess this wouldn't be a problem except that today i was having trouble staying awake for 2 of my lectures. Considering my newly found drive to succeed, this is largely unacceptable. I mean, today it might have been OK, because i just had an exam in one of them, and the other one contains at least 2 close friends to borrow notes from. But it's something i have to change.

I'm actually still feeling groggy from the huge nap i just took. but uh... as Rob might say in his blog, stay spiny folks. I'll get a new post up soon. because this one felt altogether unsatisfactory.

"I'm the Hip-Hop-Opotamus, my lyrics are bottomless! ..."

Today i remembered something that happened to me in freshman year, and it struck me so powerfully when it happened again this morning that i have to relate it to you now.

Pretty girls make me forget how to yawn.

I don't know how this happens. Freshman year i was walking down the street yawning myself a mighty yawn, and i was right at the climax of my yawnery when this really cute girl walked by staring at me, her eyes (and in fact her entire expression for some reason!) saying something like What the hell is that guy doing? It was like she had never seen a yawn before! And in that moment, i panicked, and completely forgot how to finish the action. Which left me embarrassingly walking down the street with my mouth wide open for no particular reason. Like, really wide.

And at work today, it happened again. It was so strange. It's like a mental block now! I'm afraid i wont remember how to yawn when i need to! Yikes.

As i look at the clock, i realize i've yawned at least once for each time i've typed the word. It is time for sleeps, but i will continue my pointless inner (though less so now) monologue on the morrow!

How Does It Feel to Be the Enemy?

Hey, who looks awesome in purple, and whooped the packers on Monday night football last night?

...Well, technically, The Vikings!! But more specifically, Brett Favre.

It was a pretty fun game to watch actually, with lots of turnovers and points, and in the end, I think it just came down to the Packers having a horrific offensive line trying to protect their budding quarterback (who actually played fantastically despite having the Viking's defense crawling up his ass the whole game!!) AP actually didn't do much, but Favre had a hell of a game.

Alright, I'm done talking about it. Sorry Packer fans. And anti sports friends.

Wanna hear about another thing you might not care about but i think is really exciting?! OK, awesome! (did i just have a stroke?)

Relient K released a new album! And I think they are my favorite band of all time. Though I'm not sure. Also, I don't know if the new album is quite as good as their older stuff, but I've only made it through half of the album. I'll get back to you on that.

I'm playing the staying awake game in class. I call it a game to try to convince myself that it's gonna be fun. I am rarely fooled. In an attempt to "win" today's "game" i will be going to my power lecture this afternoon with a full bladder. So we'll see how that goes. (Hey, this is future Nick. That didn't work.)

Omg, it FINALLY CAME!! A few weeks ago I was a little tipsy and i purchased something I tried early last year. On that occasion, the host called it "The Painstick", however I remembered that one of my friends from high school had started a website peddling his "Bierstick". I bought one, and it GOT HERE!!! YAY!!


Tawdrily clad hot girls not included.

So if you haven't heard of/seen/tried this before, it's basically a massive beer syringe. You fill it up with beer, put the nozzle in your mouth, and then put the plunger against something solid (or against the cleavage of the nearest cute girl conveniently wearing lingerie) and voila! You sprint at your target, shooting beer directly into your stomach! You literally don't even have to swallow. It goes directly into your stomach.

...

Can you BELIEVE that Andy doesn't wanna try that?!?!

Lol. I am totally psyched for this weekend.






Alright, one more exam to study for this evening, I'll talk to you folks tomorrow!!

"I'm a jerk! Just acknowledge it and begone!"

I had a weekend.

I laughed, I cried, I saw a great band in concert!!

Andy introduced me to the band (via iTunes) We The Living about 2 weeks ago, has had them on repeat ever since, and we got tickets to go to their Madison concert on Saturday!! It was TOTALLY AWESOME!! Go check 'em out on iTunes if you've got it, look up Half the Girl and give it a listen. I'd shoot you a YouTube link, but they only have live songs on there, which are varying levels of poor quality. ANYWAY i got to meet the band and all that jazz, which was super fantastic. They were all really cool, and the lead guitarist was painting custom t shirts for people after the show, and... it was just... crazy. New man crushes. They can have a spot behind Will Smith, Andy, and Neil Patrick Harris.

Other recent events:
Andy and I (and btw don't get confused. It's rarely just me and Andy going out, but the rest of the group is so variable, whereas he is kind of a staple member. Also, not gay, but supportive. anyway...) went to the Karaoke Kid on Friday AND Saturday nights, and... well, we actually sang the same song both nights. lol. We couldn't get enough Inside Out by Eve 6. We rocked the place... on both occasions.

Also, my friend Renee's birthday was today, and she requested that she be allowed to make use of our apartment for a birthday party on Saturday. It was actually a pretty sweet party! I got to see the 4th floor Slichter (my residence last year, REPRESENT!) crew from last year, which is ALWAYS fun, because Andy and I are like celebrities. We love you guys! I'll come visit soon. Anyway, Andy and I didn't stay long as we had out of town visitors to entertain, but it looked like a good time. They only broke 2 of our glasses!! That's a gift I think. Chelsea puked IN the toilet (I'm so proud), and we only lost 2 glasses. And there were oodles of freshmen there! a gift i tell you!!

BTW, for you grammar nazis out there... First of all, I am pretty clearly making very little effort to make this grammatically perfect. However i have been deciding whether or not i want to capitalize all my I's. Because i talk about myself a lot. Have U noticed that? :P I'm gonna make a decision soon, i promise.

My phrase of the evening: domonstrably fallacious. Thank you Big Bang Theory, i (I?) will now be attempting to slip that into every day conversation.

Shut Your Mouth Hole and Open Your Drink Hole!!

Tonight was the inaugural Bierstick usage night. And it did not disappoint! I will be honest friends. I hadn't tried the (what was at the last party i tried it at referred to as the "pain stick") bierstick in about a year. And i totally approached it inappropriately, resulting in beer going out of my mouth, up my nose, and all over the apartment! My body remembered how to do it on the second try however, thank goodness.

WOW it has been a long time since i POSTED! SoRrY!!! i have THINGS to SAY now though!

That first paragraph was from Friday night. This is my FOURTH attempt at blogging in the past week (though this one will be completed unlike those many others). It seemed that for one of the first weeks in Nick history, i was legitimately busy for a good portion of the week! I studied hard for exams, did all of my homework, maintained my social standing, and managed to catch up a tad on all of the television shows i juggle! I know that doesn't sound like a crazy week for some of you out there, but... i did homework AND i studied! These are things I've regularly neglected in my college career up to this year. I mean, I've crammed loads of times. But for these exams i STUDIED! It was crazy! (and for the record i got a 90% on my spanish exam. I'm not sure about my linguistics just yet)

Anyway, about the bierstick.
This weekend was all about it.
I am pleased to announce that despite their initial misgivings, every roommate tried the new drinking technology. Aaron and I were of course excited, but as my previous post mentioned, Andy was more than a little resistant, and Greg...

I'm sorry Greg, but they have to understand...

Greg does this thing. Firstly, he's very choosy about his beer. He only likes Newcastle. He will settle for a few other beers if the situation gets dicey, but he's not happy about it. ALSO if he opens one, one of two things happens.
1. The entire group is anchored to the apartment until Greg finishes (est. one hour) OR
2. We all try to peer pressure Greg into slamming the beer on the spot so we can get going to whatever our actual plans for the evening are. It is at this point that Greg refuses to succumb to our peer pressure, and elects instead to put his half beer back in the fridge for "later".

I shit you not, this happens on 85% of Friday and Saturday nights. Greg WILL NOT slam beer. EVAR! He doesn't like it. And the beer he accepts is not conducive to chugging anyway. So he puts it in the fridge, a place where "later" never comes. Of course by the time he finds his half beer in never neverland, it's a good 14 hours later, and... well, he's not gonna drink THAT swill now is he?

The point is, this habit of Greg's has turned his name into a verb meaning "to shamefully waste a beer by 'saving it' for later"

Don't worry, I know that was a little confusing. I'll use it in a sentence.

"Come on guys, I'm really full! Can't you just wait another, like, 10 minutes?"
"No way man! Hike up your skirt, Sally! But, I mean, hey, if you really can't finish it, just Greg it."

Greg was not down for the bierstick.

I saw the spark in Andy's eyes however. After watching a few other people try it (including me, unsuccessfully), I began to see some interest forming there. It was at some point during our peer pressuring of Andy that Greg piped up and said, "I'll do it if Andy does it."

This was a mistake

Andy then held power over someone! His actions could directly influence Greg's! Moments later, our friend Britney spoke up claiming that if Greg did it she would, sealing Greg's fate. Two lives in the balance was more than Andy could pass up, so we loaded the bierstick, and Andy took it like a champion.

As i re-evaluate that last phrase (lol) i realize another side note is in order. The bierstick is very fun, however it requires a bit of instruction for first timers. NO MATTER HOW you try to explain it, it sounds like you are teaching the person how to suck a dick. Which becomes funnier the more you use the stick. (see what i mean?) Direct quotes from bierstick tutelage:
"Just relax your jaw and swallow"
"You have to grasp the stick firmly"
"You are too tense! Just relax and let it happen!"

And it got worse as the night went on.

THE POINT IS! Greg eventually tried the bierstick. He was then the way we got other noobs to try it.
"Hey, no matter what happens, it can't be worse than when Greg tried it!"

The only way i can describe it is as a beercano. There was some overflowing, and then everyone had to run for cover!

I am so sorry Greg. I still respect you as a man, and as a friend. Drinking beer quickly just isn't your gift. And that's ok.

Last night we went to a "Hipsters vs. Bros party, an event filled with mustaches (both real and fake), skinny jeans, popped collar polos and baseball caps worn at funny angles. In other words it was a TOTALLY AWESOME PARTY!!!! The bierstick was a huge hit. It was almost as cool as all the facial hair present.













There's Joe, with his creepy hipster 'stache (there's a bro in the background) and then me, being all the bro i know how to be.


O, and Greg thought his costume looked a bit like Friedrich Nietzsche. And I totally agree! See for yourself!!

It's uncanny!
I've actually lost track of which is which.

Alright, well there have been more bro-ings on in the past week, but i haven't posted in awhile, and i don't wanna give you all of my thoughts in a single post! Because then what would i write about tomorrow?

Arkansas: where even being pregnant doesn't stop you from getting pregnant.

Last night, i attempted to write a 4 page Shakespeare paper. The problem? I had only slept 4 hours the night before, I had class all day, and i worked once in the afternoon, and again at night. I had about 2 free hours in the middle of my day, so i got about a page and half in before i had to go to my final obligation of the day. I got home from work around 11:30 PM. I was not getting to bed early.

Luckily, I had purchased a 4 pack of monster energy drink during my break in the afternoon. One for each page if it came to that. Don't think i wasn't committed. This thing is getting DONE! It did not end quickly. I discovered that energy drinks, while keeping me awake, didn't help my brain function. I lost most of my utility by about 2:30 in the morning, and from there on my last page and a half was the slowest of slow crawls. When i had finally finished my paper at about 5:45 AM, i decided it might be fun to edit the paper for simple spelling and grammar errors. The content after all (I thought) would be irreparably mediocre, so i could just get my 10 points for proper spelling and 10 for an original thesis, (which i had written back when i was forming coherent thoughts), and come out with at least a BC paper. I found a few missing words and grammar flaws, but i also found some content that appeared a bit less... professional on the second read through. The following was an actual extract from my original paper.

"Unfortunately, this attitude is causing him unnecessary friction in his life, and in my opinion he need not be so anti-fairies. Fairies are people too. Except they aren’t people. They are fairies."

My thoughts as i read this, in the order i had them:
1) Ha, fairies
2) Oops, I mentioned myself in my paper
3) Hey, this is formatted grammatically as though I'm writing a blog post!
4) OMG WTF THIS MAKES NO SENSE!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A LEGITIMATE ARGUMENT

*queue maniacal laughter.

Good lord, that night was not good times. I have just awoken from my 4 hour post class nap, feeling very slightly less retarded than I had hours ago, and i am just sitting here begging my body to forgive me. I promise body, I'll never do that to you again!

Random image is random.

Yesterday afternoon (while i was sleep deprived from the previous night, but still fighting valiantly for sanity) i was at work serving food to the masses. I handed this girl her cheeseburger or whatever she asked for, with an, "anything else for you?" At this point, she glanced down at my name tag and exclaimed, "Hey, you're that guy that ditched Beth!!"

OK, 2 things. One: I am tired. Ive never met this girl before, and she introduced herself using a situation that i had to struggle to comprehend actually happened
AAAAAND two!: i did NOT ditch Beth! I was totally psyched for my shift with Beth!! I picked up another class!!! Beth, your cousin verbally assaulted me when i was mentally unstable! It was traumatic, and... kind of flattering! Because you MUST be talking about me to your cousin (Melissa? i think?). maybe we should go out some time?

Speaking of work, on the same shift, my gay friend/coworker told me a story from last year. We'll say his name is Johnny Hammersticks. At Liz Waters (my place of employment) we have comment cards lying out. People write their comments down, and then the head manager of the dining hall writes a comment back, and puts them up on the comment board. Someone wrote a comment that said, "Johnny Hammersticks is the best!!!"

At this point, the manager decided she was gonna be funny, and wrote back, "at what?" Someone then finished the very bathroom stall-esqe conversation by inserting "cock sucking". Johnny saw the sign before the managers took it down and said, "HA! I'm finally being recognized for all my hard work!!" lol. You go, Hammersticks.

Happy friday all!