Shut Your Mouth Hole and Open Your Drink Hole!!

Tonight was the inaugural Bierstick usage night. And it did not disappoint! I will be honest friends. I hadn't tried the (what was at the last party i tried it at referred to as the "pain stick") bierstick in about a year. And i totally approached it inappropriately, resulting in beer going out of my mouth, up my nose, and all over the apartment! My body remembered how to do it on the second try however, thank goodness.

WOW it has been a long time since i POSTED! SoRrY!!! i have THINGS to SAY now though!

That first paragraph was from Friday night. This is my FOURTH attempt at blogging in the past week (though this one will be completed unlike those many others). It seemed that for one of the first weeks in Nick history, i was legitimately busy for a good portion of the week! I studied hard for exams, did all of my homework, maintained my social standing, and managed to catch up a tad on all of the television shows i juggle! I know that doesn't sound like a crazy week for some of you out there, but... i did homework AND i studied! These are things I've regularly neglected in my college career up to this year. I mean, I've crammed loads of times. But for these exams i STUDIED! It was crazy! (and for the record i got a 90% on my spanish exam. I'm not sure about my linguistics just yet)

Anyway, about the bierstick.
This weekend was all about it.
I am pleased to announce that despite their initial misgivings, every roommate tried the new drinking technology. Aaron and I were of course excited, but as my previous post mentioned, Andy was more than a little resistant, and Greg...

I'm sorry Greg, but they have to understand...

Greg does this thing. Firstly, he's very choosy about his beer. He only likes Newcastle. He will settle for a few other beers if the situation gets dicey, but he's not happy about it. ALSO if he opens one, one of two things happens.
1. The entire group is anchored to the apartment until Greg finishes (est. one hour) OR
2. We all try to peer pressure Greg into slamming the beer on the spot so we can get going to whatever our actual plans for the evening are. It is at this point that Greg refuses to succumb to our peer pressure, and elects instead to put his half beer back in the fridge for "later".

I shit you not, this happens on 85% of Friday and Saturday nights. Greg WILL NOT slam beer. EVAR! He doesn't like it. And the beer he accepts is not conducive to chugging anyway. So he puts it in the fridge, a place where "later" never comes. Of course by the time he finds his half beer in never neverland, it's a good 14 hours later, and... well, he's not gonna drink THAT swill now is he?

The point is, this habit of Greg's has turned his name into a verb meaning "to shamefully waste a beer by 'saving it' for later"

Don't worry, I know that was a little confusing. I'll use it in a sentence.

"Come on guys, I'm really full! Can't you just wait another, like, 10 minutes?"
"No way man! Hike up your skirt, Sally! But, I mean, hey, if you really can't finish it, just Greg it."

Greg was not down for the bierstick.

I saw the spark in Andy's eyes however. After watching a few other people try it (including me, unsuccessfully), I began to see some interest forming there. It was at some point during our peer pressuring of Andy that Greg piped up and said, "I'll do it if Andy does it."

This was a mistake

Andy then held power over someone! His actions could directly influence Greg's! Moments later, our friend Britney spoke up claiming that if Greg did it she would, sealing Greg's fate. Two lives in the balance was more than Andy could pass up, so we loaded the bierstick, and Andy took it like a champion.

As i re-evaluate that last phrase (lol) i realize another side note is in order. The bierstick is very fun, however it requires a bit of instruction for first timers. NO MATTER HOW you try to explain it, it sounds like you are teaching the person how to suck a dick. Which becomes funnier the more you use the stick. (see what i mean?) Direct quotes from bierstick tutelage:
"Just relax your jaw and swallow"
"You have to grasp the stick firmly"
"You are too tense! Just relax and let it happen!"

And it got worse as the night went on.

THE POINT IS! Greg eventually tried the bierstick. He was then the way we got other noobs to try it.
"Hey, no matter what happens, it can't be worse than when Greg tried it!"

The only way i can describe it is as a beercano. There was some overflowing, and then everyone had to run for cover!

I am so sorry Greg. I still respect you as a man, and as a friend. Drinking beer quickly just isn't your gift. And that's ok.

Last night we went to a "Hipsters vs. Bros party, an event filled with mustaches (both real and fake), skinny jeans, popped collar polos and baseball caps worn at funny angles. In other words it was a TOTALLY AWESOME PARTY!!!! The bierstick was a huge hit. It was almost as cool as all the facial hair present.













There's Joe, with his creepy hipster 'stache (there's a bro in the background) and then me, being all the bro i know how to be.


O, and Greg thought his costume looked a bit like Friedrich Nietzsche. And I totally agree! See for yourself!!

It's uncanny!
I've actually lost track of which is which.

Alright, well there have been more bro-ings on in the past week, but i haven't posted in awhile, and i don't wanna give you all of my thoughts in a single post! Because then what would i write about tomorrow?