Arkansas: where even being pregnant doesn't stop you from getting pregnant.

Last night, i attempted to write a 4 page Shakespeare paper. The problem? I had only slept 4 hours the night before, I had class all day, and i worked once in the afternoon, and again at night. I had about 2 free hours in the middle of my day, so i got about a page and half in before i had to go to my final obligation of the day. I got home from work around 11:30 PM. I was not getting to bed early.

Luckily, I had purchased a 4 pack of monster energy drink during my break in the afternoon. One for each page if it came to that. Don't think i wasn't committed. This thing is getting DONE! It did not end quickly. I discovered that energy drinks, while keeping me awake, didn't help my brain function. I lost most of my utility by about 2:30 in the morning, and from there on my last page and a half was the slowest of slow crawls. When i had finally finished my paper at about 5:45 AM, i decided it might be fun to edit the paper for simple spelling and grammar errors. The content after all (I thought) would be irreparably mediocre, so i could just get my 10 points for proper spelling and 10 for an original thesis, (which i had written back when i was forming coherent thoughts), and come out with at least a BC paper. I found a few missing words and grammar flaws, but i also found some content that appeared a bit less... professional on the second read through. The following was an actual extract from my original paper.

"Unfortunately, this attitude is causing him unnecessary friction in his life, and in my opinion he need not be so anti-fairies. Fairies are people too. Except they aren’t people. They are fairies."

My thoughts as i read this, in the order i had them:
1) Ha, fairies
2) Oops, I mentioned myself in my paper
3) Hey, this is formatted grammatically as though I'm writing a blog post!
4) OMG WTF THIS MAKES NO SENSE!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A LEGITIMATE ARGUMENT

*queue maniacal laughter.

Good lord, that night was not good times. I have just awoken from my 4 hour post class nap, feeling very slightly less retarded than I had hours ago, and i am just sitting here begging my body to forgive me. I promise body, I'll never do that to you again!

Random image is random.

Yesterday afternoon (while i was sleep deprived from the previous night, but still fighting valiantly for sanity) i was at work serving food to the masses. I handed this girl her cheeseburger or whatever she asked for, with an, "anything else for you?" At this point, she glanced down at my name tag and exclaimed, "Hey, you're that guy that ditched Beth!!"

OK, 2 things. One: I am tired. Ive never met this girl before, and she introduced herself using a situation that i had to struggle to comprehend actually happened
AAAAAND two!: i did NOT ditch Beth! I was totally psyched for my shift with Beth!! I picked up another class!!! Beth, your cousin verbally assaulted me when i was mentally unstable! It was traumatic, and... kind of flattering! Because you MUST be talking about me to your cousin (Melissa? i think?). maybe we should go out some time?

Speaking of work, on the same shift, my gay friend/coworker told me a story from last year. We'll say his name is Johnny Hammersticks. At Liz Waters (my place of employment) we have comment cards lying out. People write their comments down, and then the head manager of the dining hall writes a comment back, and puts them up on the comment board. Someone wrote a comment that said, "Johnny Hammersticks is the best!!!"

At this point, the manager decided she was gonna be funny, and wrote back, "at what?" Someone then finished the very bathroom stall-esqe conversation by inserting "cock sucking". Johnny saw the sign before the managers took it down and said, "HA! I'm finally being recognized for all my hard work!!" lol. You go, Hammersticks.

Happy friday all!